Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Avoid the “Better as a Memory” Phenomenon

Ok, so like a couple of months ago, I was totally addicted to Kenny Chesny’s new song, Better as a Memory (Than as Your Man). I could sing along to it, 5 times in a row!

Having kicked the habit of bad love when I met my husband, I was shocked at how deeply this song still resonated with me!

Basically, it’s a classic song about falling for the emotionally unavailable man. Something I know a thing or two about.

The refrain highlights the hard truth that the idealized, rosy-colored memories left over from these relationships are usually better than the reality of actually being with him.

And the acknowledgment that falling for such a guy always has an ugly ending.

Kudos to the songwriter. At least the guy in the song knows himself well enough that he’s warning the poor woman!

Don’t you wish more people would come with a warning tag: Danger, falling in love with me could be hazardous for your health!

Maybe emblazoned on a bright red Lance Armstrong-like plastic bracelet?

Or at the very least, why can’t they just come out and say it: Look let’s just have fun for awhile because I’m just not good at anything more.

Actually a guy once did say that to me. What did I do? Blithely ignored the warning, then became shocked when, after a few romps in the hay, he was ready to move on. So silly, me.

But how many times have YOU fallen for that guy or girl?

Only realizing later how that quaint distance, that mysterious air, that strong streak of independence really meant you’d be banging your head up against a brick wall trying to get your needs met…

You saw the warning signs, (or maybe you didn’t!) but you went ahead and fell in love anyway. Reality be damned!

Believe me, you don’t want to play that fool again. Once is already way more than enough.

So how to avoid having another relationship with the next Memory Man/Woman?

DateSmart Tip: It’s simple.
Keep only one question in mind while dating: How do I feel around this person?

Your answer to this question is like a compass directing you to the future of the relationship.

As soon as negative emotions arise- consider them gigantic red flags. Stop. Pay Attention. Do not ignore. Do not rationalize and make excuses. And if the bad feelings continue, then it’s time to walk away.

Why does everyone want to make dating so complicated?!

When it all really boils down to one easy thing: Do I feel good around this person?!

Ok, time to fess up. How many of YOUR ex’s are “Better as a Memory?”

I’ll admit it. For me, it’s at least half. Is that so bad??

Share your number or percentage.

BTW, stay tuned. Next post we’ll talk about how you could have ever fallen in love with that brick wall to begin with. So you won’t make that mistake again!

Haven’t heard the song yet? Check it out with lyrics on YouTube.

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