Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Ladies, Want to Wow Him? Wear Red!

Well ladies, the secret is out.

Their really is a a simple secret weapon to attraction.

If you want to wow him on your first date- you should wear red!

New studies found that when a woman wears red, men find her more sexy and more attractive.

Well, you definitely want that, don't you?!!

Plus, he's willing to spend more on your dinner date! Who knew!!

But beware, they may also be more interested in having sex- so be ready to end the nite with a polite kiss on the cheek.

So go round up some favorite sweetly sexy tops in red and be prepared to dazzle him come date night!

Read more on the study at CNN: Wearing Red May Boost Your Sex Appeal

Readers: What color makes you feel most confident and sexy??
Please share.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Tech-iquette: The New Multi Media Dating Etiquette

In this totally hyper-wired age, have you ever wondered just what's the best way to connect with your new love interest?

And, can you ever get away with breaking up via email?

Before you pick up the phone, write your next text message, or send another email, check out Kelli Lawless' "Using Technology" discussion on her blog: Dating and Mating in Amercia.

Seriously, it's the most comprehensive discussion of the topic I've ever seen!

Go there now: Here

And for the record: NO- you can't ever, ever break up via email or text. It requires a phone call or better yet, a face to face.

If we want to live in a civil world, we've got to offer each other at least that much respect and kindness.

Don't you think???
Please comment.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Who Else Wants to be a Warrior Goddess?

“That horse looks like a Warrior Goddess,” said one of my recent participants at an equine-assisted singles workshop.

She’s tall, gorgeous, and reeks of charm, indeed, her name is Charm.

She’s playful and a bit mischievous.

She's confident and comfortable in her body. She runs for the pure joy of it.

But she’s obviously strong, independent, and no one is going to mess with her.

You have to earn her respect before she’ll do anything for you.

But once you’ve shown you are worthy, she’s open, receptive, heck even downright affectionate.

She knows how to stand in her power, yet be gentle and give and receive love.

She doesn't question her own worth. She just knows she's worthy.

Wow- if that’s what it means to be a Warrior Goddess, sign me up!

Doesn’t that describe a wonderful way to inhabit our femininity in the world?

To stand in your power, to assert your needs, to set healthy boundaries, yet at the same time remain open to connection, be able to offer and receive gentle love. And be playful, yet strong.

Who wouldn’t be attracted to that kind of woman???

Ok, wussy men wouldn’t. But any man worthy of YOU, would be.

So today, in honor of all of the women workshop participants who learned

To embody their power,

To own their worthiness,

To feel the exhilaration of being fully alive and insisting on being treated well,

I offer up, for your consideration, the ancient archetype of the Warrior Goddess.

Would you like to be a Warrior Goddess?

What would that mean in your life?
What behaviors and beliefs would you need to let go of because they no longer serve you?
What gifts and abilities would you have to reclaim?

Are you up for the challenge???

Because in this world, you either stand up and be the leader of your own life, or you’ll be led by someone or something else.

When you choose, the warrior goddess will be there.

Take her into your heart and let her fiery, yet sweet energy revitalize and inspire you so that you can create the love you’ve only dreamed of.

Reclaim your power.

It’s the only path to true love.

And if you need some help, my dear friends, the horse herd here at the Happily Ever After Healing Horse Ranch, are more than willing to show you how!

Want to see more love lessons from the horse herd? Follow along with the participants as they discover the Wisdom of the Body through the Way of the Horse. Access the Picture show here.

Readers: What aspect of the Warrior Goddess do you most need to incorporate into your life right now?

And if you are a guy. does the Warrior Goddess excite you or intimidate you? Why?

Please comment.

Friday, October 17, 2008

When's the Best Time for a First Kiss???

Recently, Jane Wonder of the One Date Wonder dating blog had an awkward situation: she was dating a guy who hadn't kissed her, until the 6th date. She didn't know: What do you do? What does it mean?

So, I'm curious, guys and girls, when do YOU think it's the perfect time for the first kiss??? And how do you judge??

Personally, I'm a total first kiss phobic. I put it off as long as possible, until like Jane says, then it's just plain awkward because you've made too big a deal about it.

My poor long did he wait? 4, 5 dates...I can't remember. Hmmm...I told him my discomfort with first kisses so he patiently waited for me to make the first move.

He knew it was time when we were on his couch and I bent over to take off my glasses- no point in letting those get in the way if you've waited that long!!

My friend and dating expert colleague, Mary Jo Fay, met a guy who had a perfect solution to this problem.

His idea was to end the first date by asking: Would you like a handshake, a hug, or a kiss?

This totally avoids the whole awkward end of first date thing AND it lets everyone proceed at their own pace without having to guess and make it all weird and uncomfortable.

Plus, then it gives the guy a real big hint about whether this girl may be interested in going out on another date. So he can ask with more confidence.

Brilliant! I wish every guy knew this!

So, when's the perfect time for that first kiss? And how do you know?

Please share.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I'm Just Not Ready for a Relationship Right Now

So, a guy you really dig, someone you saw great potential with, says, "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. Maybe in a year..."

You should hold out hope that maybe he'll come around and then fall madly in love with you and you'll live happily ever after, right?

Jeff Mac, on his blog, Manslations, just uttered something truly brilliant, so I share it here:

"They leave because they want to leave more than they want to stay."

Never a truer statement uttered. Truly.

At this point- many of us are prone to go round and round in our heads, making our stomachs churn even more anxiously:

"But why?"
"What if I had done...'"
"What if I do..."
"Maybe I should wait a little while longer"
"Maybe I can convince him..."

But let me tell you, all of this is vain- just more wasted time, effort, and emotion.

And clearly, you've already wasted enough of those on the wrong person.

You deserve someone who is unequivocally saying, "Bring it on, cause I choose YOU."

After all, that's the ONLY thing that matters.

Missing that is a deal breaker.

The relationship could have EVERYTHING else right, but if you are missing this one thing, you've got nothing.

It's like siting down in your brand new, perfect-for-you car with all your favorite gadgets, when you realize it has no gas. Without this one last thing, you ain't going nowhere.

Not one tiny mile. Doesn't matter that you only need to go 5 miles. You aren't moving an inch.

Anything less than a 100% "I choose you" and you end up the loser.

Time to cut it loose and go find someone who wins you.

How often do you put up with being picked with less than 100% enthusiasm? How often do you keep someone else around even though you can't give them 100%? Why?

Please comment.

How Did You Ever Fall for That Jerk(ette)?!

So last time I promised you that I would explain how people fall in love with partners who treat them good and bad, hot and cold- so you can avoid a similar fate as the woman in Kenny Chesny’s song “Better as a Memory.” (see related post below).

I’ll be honest. I once dated a guy who said to me, “I don’t think you are in love with me, but in love with some image of me that isn’t even reality!”

I thought he was whack.

At the time.

Now I can acknowledge that he was so right.

I wasn’t “in love” with him. How the heck could I have been!?

I was miserable with him. He didn’t come close to meeting my needs (nor me his, to be fair). We were a horrible match.

So, how on earth did I come to think I was in love with him???

The answer: Compartmentalization.

That’s a fancy psychological term, but it’s meaning is simple.

Let’s say you have a big box.

Inside this box is a whole bunch of stuff:
white stuff (the good stuff) and
black stuff (the bad stuff).

This big box is like you and me and any person you date. We’ve all got good and not so good qualities and behaviors.

To fall in love in a healthy way, we acknowledge all of the good and the bad and appreciate the whole person, because in the end, the good outweighs the bad and we feel good around our partner.

But some people have a habit of falling in love in an unhealthy way.

And yes, I used to be one them.

These people use Mental Gymnastics to hide the bad stuff and only focus on the good stuff. They pretend that the bad stuff doesn’t even exist.

It’s like you had that big box of white and black. And you got two smaller boxes.

You put all the white in one box. You put all the black in another box.

Then you tied the black box up with a pretty bow, and hid it way up in the back of your closet and never looked at it again. Bad- all gone.

Then, you kept that white box right in front of you and you gazed lovingly at it every day, admiring it’s beauty and falling ever more deeply in love.

The problem with this?

You are allowing strong feelings of love or attachment to form based on only part of a person. And completely ignoring the parts that don’t fit what you want to believe.

But man, it’s a lot of work, because every time some black pops up, you have to do more mental gymnastics to put it out of your view, into the hidden black box- so your white box stays pristine.

So, your love isn’t really love, it’s a fantasy game- that always has a bad ending- because no one is playing in the real world.

Do you get what I am saying yet? If not, here is one more way to picture it.

What Color Is Your Crystal Ball?

You’ve got a crystal ball in your hands.

In reality, it’s half white and half black.

I ask you, what color is the ball?

You answer: “It’s white!”

Ummm, no it’s not.

And falling in love this way will bite back every time.

Because sooner or later, your mental gymnastics will fail you.

And you’ll land flat on your back. Let’s hope you don’t break your neck in the process.

I almost did.

That’s Screwed Up!

Well yeah, but if this sounds familiar to you, I want you to know that compartmentalization is actually a coping tool you learned as a child.

As a child, you need to see your parents as good- otherwise the world is too scary.

So you learned to put the bad away and pretend it was all good. You needed to do this to survive. So, at the time, it was a helpful thing.

It’s just not so helpful anymore!

The Solution: Facing Reality

The solution here is actually simple.

You’ve heard me say it before. Just pay attention to your feelings.

Keep checking in with your gut. Start a journal and make notes after every date.

Pay attention to the good and bad feelings and write them down- so you have them in black and white- then you can’t pretend it’s just white going on!

You can’t be so desperate to find The One, that you’ll make anyone into The One.

You have to wait, pass on the wrong ones, and be available when the right one, the one whose box is mostly white anyway comes along!