Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Find a Date While Holiday Shopping!

Today we have a guest writer, fellow dating blogger, Seth, over at

His recent post about using holiday shopping to benefit your love life was so brillant, I couldn't wait to share it with you here.

Take him up on his advice below and turn shopping into a dating adventure!


by Seth
See original article here:

I had to wait for my sister and her husband to pick up a few presents to bring his relatives at the end of their flight to Mississippi. As I listened to a discussion on NPR about the economic downturn’s affect on retailers, I heard the phrase “super-long lines” and thought, what a great chance to meet somebody new!

I am encouraging you to approach your holiday shopping with the mindset of transforming interesting strangers into new friends for the following reasons:

1. Shared experience: You and that amazing brunette have been standing in the same check-out line for 20 minutes, listening to a baby scream three aisles over. This might be oversimplification, but they call it a check-out line because you check things out in it. You’ve been checking her out, now make a comment about your shared experience of the screaming. She’ll acknowledge you and probably give you a sympathetic smile or roll her eyes at the situation. This is your chance to move the conversation ahead.

2. Tangible Hints: That gorgeous blond standing in front of you in line with 17 identical stuffed animals in her arms? When she keeps dropping them, offer to hold a couple and use the opportunity to find out why she’s clearing the store of Ronnie Crocodile toys.

3. Captive Audience: The chance that she’ll give up her place in a crowded line just because you messed up your first attempt at conversation is extremely low. This means you might as well try again. Thank the shopping gods, think before you speak, and try not to be creepy. Odds are on your side.

Just making a comment isn’t enough, though. It’s important to move past the initial contact and encourage interaction.

In a recent check-out line conversation with Connie (hate the name, adore the lady), I moved beyond the initial “shared experience” comment by talking about my shopping. I mentioned that I have a lot of sisters and sometimes find it difficult to purchase for them. Connie responded, as expected, by offering a bit of advice and comments on her own family.

Follow up on your initial comment with a question that cannot be answered by “yes” or “no.” This guarantees you a response of some sort.

Get contact information before your conversation has reached it’s logical end. In this case, it will be the interaction between your new friend and the cashier.

Be grateful and say “thank you” but don’t gloat too much while she’s still in sight. Your best bet is to just continue your conversation. Continuing the conversation after you’ve exchanged contact info is the best way to reduce any awkward feelings about the interchange and set any future contact up for success.

When I got home from meeting Connie, I rang up an old buddy who works in retail and had him find the item Connie had been looking for. I texted her with the information and offered to get stuck in line the following Thursday afternoon. You know what? She said yes and followed it with a bunch of annoying emoticons.

I knew I should have just called her.

Happy Holidays!


Readers: What do you think? Are you brave enough to make a move in line? That person standing next to you could be your soulmate!

Just remember: Even if that hot blonde isn't single, she may think you are perfect for her best friend.
What are you waiting for, go reach out and greet someone!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Don't Know Where to Meet? Let Help!

I don't know about you, but figuring out where to meet new dates can be challenging.

Where is convenient for both of you?

Struggle no longer. has come to the rescue!

Enter two locations and a point of interest (like a coffee shop or sushi restaurant) and then it finds the exact halfway point and the types of businesses you searched for.

How cool and easy is that!

Give it a try for your next date!

Then, let me know what you think!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Real Life Fairy Tales Do Come True!

You know how we all thought that romantic love had to wane, even in happy relationships. That the spark would fizzle. And you'd need to settle for companionate love?

In fact, previous research has shown that the heady romance of new love tends to last only a little over a year.

Pretty depressing, right!?

But no longer, new research has shown that for a few special couples, it's totally possible to maintain that "falling in love" feeling, even after decades of marriage.

And there is hard evidence- MRI brain scans. I mean, if a brain scan says it's so, then I believe it.

And these scans showed that couples who say that they are still intensely in love after an average of 28 years of marriage, had very similar brain scans as newly in love couples.

Wow- the romance doesn't have to fade.

I don't know about you- but that gives new hope, plus a little incentive to be one of those special couples.

Of course, now what I'd really like to know is: How did these couples do it? What's the secret to decades long passion?

If you've got an idea, please share!

Read the original article in USA Today: Romance Doesn't Have to Fade

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Larina Kase on facing Dating Discomfort!

Today we have a very special guest, my colleague, Larina Kase, talking about how you can confidently move in the direction of your ideal relationship!

In case Larina's name is new to you, she is a psychologist and coach and has written many popular books in the past few years. I'm excited about Larina's fabulous new book: The Confident Leader.

I was lucky enough to steal a few minutes of her time to ask her how singles can manage the discomfort that comes with
the initial stages of dating.

I'd like to know how singles can more confidently pursue love- since fear keeps many of us from reaching our full potential in love.

Hey, we all need a little more confidence, wouldn't you say!?

Here's what Larina had to say.

Jenn: Why is it necessary to move outside of your comfort zone for greater relationship success?

Larina: In order to get and stay in a relationship that you value, you will likely need to move beyond your comfort zone in one or more areas. For example, in the relationship initiation phase you may need to approach discomfort to:

· Go up to someone and introduce yourself
· Go on a first date (even though you’re unsure about how you look, what you’ll say, if you’ll like them, and so on)
· Pick up the phone to call someone (when you’d much prefer if they’d make the first move, but waiting will get you no where)

Then, of course, as you get into the relationship, new areas of discomfort will arise that you’ll need to approach rather than avoid, things like:

· Your fears of change (moving in together, etc.)
· Your fear of commitment or intimacy
· Your worries about what if he or she ends the relationship
Jenn: I love that you are highlighting that discomfort is a natural part of the dating cycle.
We all will deal with it at one point or another.

And we always get to choose: face the fear and do it anyway, or back away and end up wondering, "What could have been?!"

Larina: Yes, and your discomfort level can be a helpful thermometer for whether you’re in a healthy relationship that you value.

- If you never have any discomfort, you may be avoiding facing important issues or perhaps you don’t care about the relationship.
- If you’re too uncomfortable, your intuition may be telling you that this person is not the right one for you.

Jenn: That is such an excellent point! We all want to avoid discomfort, so we often forget that it can hold valuable clues for us to follow.

Larina: You’ll want to accept a higher level of discomfort at the beginning and know that it will likely reduce over time as you get used to the relationship.

Jenn: I think that's right on. If you are going to date, you have to be willing to wade into the pool of discomfort, since there are so many unknown factors. And as you face your fears and bravely move forward- you are rewarded with clarity and a growing sense of confidence.

Larina: Also be wary of being too comfortable and take that as a cue to take on a challenge (set up a romantic date, surprise your partner with his or her favorite gift or meal, etc.)

Jenn: Good point! It's easy to take things for granted and coast along smoothly. Let that be a sign to shake things up a bit and take a risk for deepening the relationship!

Jenn: Most of our readers are singles, not business leaders- why should they check out The Confident Leader?

Larina: This book is really more about leading yourself than leading others.

It’s about challenging yourself, pushing your boundaries, staying motivated, and standing out.

There’s a detailed description (and some great bonuses) here:

Jenn: Thanks so much for your words of wisdom today! All of Larina's books are chock full of practical advice on how to make the most of everything you do. So I highly recommend you take a peek.

You can learn more about Larina at her website:

Monday, November 10, 2008

What's the Best Age to Get Married??

If you are searching for your soulmate, then chances are you want to get married.

And you probably know that in the US, people are getting married for the first time later and later. Now, the average is up to 26 for women, 28 for men.

Is this good or bad?

A USA Today article debated the pros and cons today, with no clear winner. See article here: Sooner vs. Later?

Here's how I'm weighing in: Waiting is smart.

Personally, I think that for most people, waiting until the late 20's, early 30's is a good idea.

Let's face it, before that, you've got a lot of growing up to do. And you do a lot of changing.

When I think about it, who I was at 23 doesn't look a hell of a lot like who I was at 33. And if I care to admit it, I would have done a piss poor job of picking a mate that had a chance of lasting a lifetime!!

If I picked back then, chances are we'd be out of sync now, perhaps having grown in different directions.

Hey, if you are only gonna pick once a lifetime, then I say, why not wait until you KNOW WHO you are!! So you know WHAT YOU NEED.

And can make a smart choice that includes both your head and your heart!

Just my two cents! I'm glad I waited.

Readers: What do you think is the best age to wed??