Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Why I am Convinced that Someone is Going to Meet Their Soulmate at Adventure Speed Dating on Sept 26!

I can *almost* guarantee that someone is going to meet their soulmate on Saturday, Septmeber 26th at our inaugrual Adventure Speed Dating at the Ranch event outside Denver, CO!

"Why?," you ask. Read on.

As some of you already know, my passion is helping singles attract their soulmate. Since the time I was 12 years old, I’ve never been interested in anything else but love!

But honestly, before now I’ve never been interested in hosting big events like this one. Helping people one on one and in small groups is more my cup of tea.

Then, inspiration struck.

Funny, really.

I was listening to a meditation tape so I should have been focused on it, but I found myself thinking about my friend and colleague Mary Jo Fay, who hosts bi-weekly singles events (Denver 's Best Dating, Mating, and Relating Group). My immediate thought was: “I’d never want to host an event like that.”

Instantly, however, the idea of Adventure Speed Dating popped into my mind. Actually, the details of it flooded my brain. So much so that I couldn’t finish my meditation!!!

I let the ideas come in and settled on, “Hmm, that’s interesting. Sounds like a great concept. But I have no interest in hosting an event.”

And I put the idea to rest.

Only it wouldn’t let me rest. Literally.

For several nights, I would fall asleep, only to wake up an hour later. Once again, details for the event poured in, one idea after another.

“Ok, Ok, I get it, it’s a fantastic idea. But still, I don’t want to do it,” was my reply.

By the third night of this incessant information download, I scribbled down the details and I finally pleaded with the powers that be: “FINE! I’ll do it if you will let me get back to sleep!”

With that promise came a sudden knowing that went like this, “Great, because someone is supposed to meet their soulmate at this event, so we really need you to keep your word!”

So, here it is, my contribution to helping soulmates find each other. It’s bound to happen, otherwise the idea would have died a cold and lonely death the first time it came to me.

Because I’ve learned there is no coincidence- only serendipity. Call it what you will- intuition, gut feeling, a hunch, Universal Guidance. When it comes in strongly, I’ve discovered you are a fool to ignore it.

And besides, now I am totally jazzed because I think, "What's cooler than helping soulmates find each other, especially if it's fun to boot?!"

And so, that's how Adventure Speed Dating at the Ranch was born. And I can’t wait to see who gets to meet their soulmate!

If I told you the story of how I met my soulmate, Greg, you’d believe that serendipity plays a role. Now that I have that amazing kind of love in my life, I’m committed to helping everyone else find it too.

So, if you’ve found your way to this web page, if you’ve heard about this event in any way at all, there is probably a good reason. Consider yourself Universally Guided to be there. And I’m extending to you a warm, personal invitation.

I, for one, listened to the Guidance (even if it was unwillingly at first!). I did my part. Now all you have to do is show up too!

Then we can both laugh at how neither one of us originally wanted to come, but heck yea, it was fun and wasn’t it the best decision we ever made!

After all, I’d hate for you to miss your soulmate!

So, head on over to reserve your spot before they all fill up: Adventure Dating at the Ranch.

Here’s to soulmates coming together in perfect harmony,

Dr. Jenn

PS. By the way, if you have a friend who has been waiting, wishing, and hoping to find a soulmate who doesn’t seem to be showing up- now may be the time to beg, plead, or cajole them into coming with you. Because you may very well be the human angel designated to lead them to their soulmate. You may be the link that brings them together!

Monday, August 17, 2009

So, He Didn't Call When He Said He Would? Using the Handy, "I Noticed..." Statement

I wish I could say that this hardly ever happens, so don't worry about it. But people not keeping their word happens all the time, especially when dating!

So, what to do when he doesn't call when he said he would? That's what one of my clients wanted to know recently.

Here's what I told her.

Typically- if someone does something like this once, you can blow it off (if you want)- but if it happens more than once, then don't ever ignore it!

Ignoring things never makes them go away- it usually makes them worse!

Why? Because when someone does something more than once, they are showing you a pattern of behavior. And patterns indicate their underlying personality.

And when YOU put up with a pattern of behavior from someone- you set up the expectation that the behavior is ok with you.

Which means: You'll get more of the same behavior in the future.

So, when someone doesn't keep their word and that's not ok with you (as it shouldn't be!), then it's worth addressing.

Lucky you, handling these supposedly "uncomfortable" topics, can be super simple when you know how to use the "I Noticed..." Strategy.

Here's how to stand up for yourself and set clear, healthy boundaries, right from the beginning with the people in your life, love life included.

Using the "I Noticed..." Strategy

Step 1: Find a quiet, calm time to bring up your concern.

That means you are relaxed and no longer ticked off.
AND, it seems like a convenient, easy-going time for your friend.

Step 2: Bring up your concern gracefully, casually using "I noticed..."

Just casually work into your conversation something like:
"Hey, I noticed ... that you were going to call on Tues but I didn't hear from you till today...."

Step 3: Pause and WAIT for their response.

Just let your "I noticed" statement hang out there for a moment and they will have to say something about it. Usually you will learn alot from what the person says next.

Either you'll get a useful explanation and/or apology, or you may get a bunch of BS.

Either way, you are learning more about this person to help you decide if this is indeed someone you want in your life.

You may chat a bit from here, or...

Step 4: Make a clear request by setting your boundary.

Often, it's helpful to end your discussion with a clear request about what you need.

Something like, "Hey that's cool this time, but just so you know, keeping my word is really important to me, so I'd appreciate it if we both kept our word to each other."

Right here, you've made your expectations clear. You are setting the boundary for how it's ok to treat you.

Plus- by putting it in "we" terms, you make it clear that you aren't pointing the finger, this isn't only about THEM.

It about the two of you together, in relationship to each other.

So, it's more about entering into an explicit agreement to pay attention to each other's needs, rather than a slap on the wrist.

From here, things will either go swimmingly in the future, or not so much- if they aren't the right person for you.

Step 5: Follow up the next time

Hopefully, your new expectation will clear up any misunderstanding and things go full speed ahead. But if your new partner can't or won't respect your request- then you pretty much have your decision made for you: They just aren't a good fit for you.

If it happens again, try something like:

"Gee, I noticed that even though we talked about keeping our word to each other, it seems like that just isn't happening. What do you think is up with that?"

These types of conversations either bring you closer as you come to a deeper understanding of each other, or they drive you apart because you simply don't see the world or your relationship the same way.

However it goes, it brings the Gift of Clarity to you so you know how best to move forward towards your goal of creating a love that lasts a lifetime!

Readers: Try out the "I noticed..." statement with someone in your life today and let us know how it goes!